If your relationships aren’t going so well, then take out your journal and starting contemplating your feelings in written form.
One of the best ways to feel better about yourself and someone with whom you’re having a problem is to focus on the positive aspects of that person. Sure, you’ve had a fight and you’re really angry with that person, but deep down, you love her and want mutual love in return.
When you take the time to focus on the parts of that person’s character that you like or love, you’ll find that your anger softens and you’re ready to make amends with her quicker. Holding in our anger is destructive not only to ourselves (mentally and physically) it also destroys the relationship itself. By turning that anger into appreciation, you channel strong emotion into a productive outlet.
What to do when you can’t appreciate the person?
It’s true that getting angry and fighting hurt us. The other person probably said ugly things, took hurtful actions. And you’re just too hurt to begin to forgive. Then you need to take on this exercise: Repeat out loud, “She was probably doing the best she could with the choices and circumstances she had at that time.” Many times, we make rash decisions and say horrible things based on only part of the truth. This happens to all of us. Recognizing that this probably happened when someone slighted you, will aid you in releasing some of your pain and hurt.
Doing this exercise is the first step to empathy and compassion. When you’re feeling more empathy and compassion for someone, then you’ll find it easier to forgive because you’ve let go of the selfish ego. It’s tough to be selfish when you can walk in someone else’s shoes.
Using a journal to write through these feelings is cheaper than going to therapy. It’s a good place to start. If you see you can work through certain emotions on your own, then it’s time to consider professional help. But more often than not, writing down your hurt feelings takes the air out of their wings. They simply evaporate and leave a better feeling of self behind. And when we feel better about ourselves, we have stronger building blocks to create better relationships.